you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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