I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
