There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
