i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
