Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
