lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
