Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The uberlube is also flammable
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
