the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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