You can't special order awesome
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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