i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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