worst night to have a conscience
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So vagazzling was a success
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
