P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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