He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
