when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
