I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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