i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices