Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.