Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad