she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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