WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
