do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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