I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
