i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
