He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
