i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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