he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
