my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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