i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
