I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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