Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize