i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
