I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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