grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
