dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
