I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
