I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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