also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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