MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
