I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
