Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
