My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
