But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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