Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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