I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
