I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
