Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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