I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
