You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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