I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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