I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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