I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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