is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
