i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
