rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
