Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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