Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
