Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
