Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
