Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
