For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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