She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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