I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
