i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
